The Sorting of Psyches
by enoimreH
Summary: Wouldn't you like to know what the sorting hat said to everyone else?
1. Hermione Granger

A/N: This first sorting is Hermione's, and it also appears in Chapter 3 of Confessions of a Harry Potter Maniac, but here it is without the rest of the background story. Tell me what you think of it, and who you'd like to see next. 

  
  


Sortings

  
  


The Deputy Headmistresses voice called out her name, "Hermione Granger." A moment later a new psyche opened up beneath me.

  
  


"My, my. An excellent mind. Clever, witty, well-read, you remind me of Rowena herself." I'd rather not be a Ravenclaw, if you don't mind. 

  
  


"Why not? Do you have a problem with Ravenclaw? It's a very nice house, I assure you. And you have just the sort of brain to fit in there well."

I don't want to be defined as a 'brain'. I would rather have something else about me noticed for once. 

  
  


"Well, it does seem to be one of your defining characteristics, you can't blame me for noticing. And it's not like I'd notice you for your body. You seem to be a hard worker and studied, though. Would Hufflepuff suit you?"

I think not. Everyone who isn't in that house and doesn't have a child in it thinks they're wimpodites. And really, that 'just and loyal' bit seems like you couldn't find anything else decent to say about them. 

  
  


"Now that's not very polite of you. Some great people have come out of Hufflepuff. How about Slytherin? They'd certainly appreciate your brain, and probably find a use for it."

Hmm. I actually hadn't considered that. And it would probably be a nice place for me to pull to the top of. Being extraordinary in Slytherin is rather impressive, and the clever ones there do have a nice advantage. Wait a minute. What are you trying to do to me? Slytherins are evil. It's the house of Dark Magic, and Muggle haters. Are you some sort of sadist?

  
  


"I'm not the one putting the thoughts into your head. I just made a suggestion. You are the one who ran with it. Are you really sure you don't want to be in Slytherin? You could be great there, and you could learn all sorts of things it is nearly impossible to learn outside of it."

Ooh. Tempting, tempting. Crud. Do I really want to give that up? I paused for a minute playing some sort of masochistic eeny meeny miney moe between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

  
  


"You really want to leave your fate to chance?"

I trust chance more than a beat-up hat.

  
  


"Touche. You know better than that. I almost want to put you in Slytherin just to get you back for that. You seem to think it could make you happy."

How dare you. Using a sorting as punishment. Don't you dare do that. I could undo your stitching for that. If you dare put me in Slytherin, you will regret it for the rest of your existence.

  
  


"Spoken like a true Slytherin. But still, I knew you wouldn't really like it there. A little too cutthroat for your tastes, I dare say. I'm not sure you could take it."

How dare you. I'm tougher than I look.

  
  


"I don't have eyes."

Right. You know what I mean. I'm tougher than most of them are. Believe me, I can take pressure. I can take cunning. I can put up with a lot more than you'd think.

  
  


"So you want to be in Slytherin?"

NO! Argh! Stop doing this to me!

  
  


"You're doing it to yourself, little GRYFFINDOR!"


	2. Arthur Weasley

A/N: Until people give me suggestions I am just going to go for who I think is fun. And since only one person has actually reviewed this, I don't have to worry about future rejection (gach, that sounds pessimistic). I think I'm just going to do a series of Weasleys, to be shoved into one chapter later if I get too many. Anyway, if you read this, please review.

  
  


Deputy Headmaster Dumbledore was calling nearing the end of the years list of names when he called out "Arthur Weasley." Moments later a rather small head appeared under me.

  
  


"You know, it's funny. The hats are almost the only thing Muggles have got right about wizards."

What was that?

  
  


"Well, they don't really have our wands right, or our brooms, or our spells or anything, but any Muggle child could tell at a glance that you were a wizard or witch hat."

As interesting as that is, that's not exactly the kind of information that will help me sort you, which is the matter at hand, I believe.

  
  


"Sorry. Should I just shut up now?"

Don't be hard on yourself, you just surprised me. Normally, you know, I'm the one who talks first.

  
  


"Really?"

Yes. But if you don't mind, I need to concentrate for a bit so I can look in your head.

  
  


"Right, right, sorry."

It's no bother. I don't have to look that hard. You are the only person all night who's been brave enough to talk to me about anything other than a house, you're family has been in Gryffindor for generations and that seems to be what you want. Is that all right with you then?

  
  


"Sure, that sounds great. Mom said she'd still love me, no matter what house I got, but I think she really wants me to be a Gryffindor."

GRYFFINDOR it is, then.


	3. Molly Weasley

A/N: Continuing my Weasley series, hoping someone reviews.

  
  


"Molly Berret."

  
  


"Hello, Molly. I believe I've seen a few of your family before."

You know, even though I've watched Mom, Dad, Aimee, Kristin, and Jill do magic for years, it still feels weird to be sitting here holding a conversation with a hat.

  
  


"Did they tell you that this was how the sorting was done?"

Aimee did, but she figured it out on her own. I've known about most of this for a while.

  
  


"Well, you know, after a thousand years, I'm still getting used to having conversations with eleven year-olds, so I guess we're even."

Do you talk like this with everyone?

  
  


"Oh no, it's different with every person. You for example, I will ask you what house you would like to be in."

Well, it might be fun to be in Hufflepuff, because my cousin is in there, but I'd probably do better in Gryffindor.

  
  


"Why do you say that?"

Well, I'm kind of mean sometimes, and a little lazy. I'm brave, though, and helpful.

  
  


"Really? What sort of brave or helpful things have you done?"

Well, I'm in Girl Guides with a few of my Muggle friends from school, and I have 15 patches. And I've been taking care of Grandma's herb garden for three years already.

  
  


"I suppose that will do. Have fun in GRYFFINDOR!"


	4. William Weasley

A/N: Continuing through the clan.

  
  


"William Weasley."

  
  


"Would you mind calling me Bill?"

Not at all, but why?

  
  


"I just don't really like being called William. The oldest son in a family of Weasleys has always been William, as fan back as I could find, and so I have three cousin Williams, a few Uncle Williams, a grandfather William, and who knows how many more. I just prefer being called Bill, so I'm not 'another William.'"

All right, Bill. Anything else?

  
  


"If you don't mind, I'd rather not be in Hufflepuff."

Why not?

  
  


"Well, from what I've seen, I'm rather Hufflepuffish, and my family's all Gryffindors, and most of my friends are too."

You'd do well in Hufflepuff. You're friendly, a hard worker, loyal, and patient.

  
  


"Exactly. I know all that, but I want to be in Gryffindor."

Do you think you might not belong in Gryffindor?

  
  


"It's where I want to be. It's where all the Weasleys are."

You have done some brave things, you know. You saved your brother's life.

  
  


"I'd rather we didn't talk about that."

Modest, are we?

  
  


"No, it just sort of bothers me. It still makes Mum cry sometimes. She doesn't even know where one of the graves is."

I'm sorry. I'll just let you think of other things, and go with the other GRYFFINDORS!


	5. Charles Weasley

A/N: Hello again, everybody. I will probably post for this story a couple chapters at a time, because they are so short. I'm continuing down the line of Weasleys, since they are all Gryffindors, it seemed fitting. Anyway, in my world, Charlie is two years younger than Bill. Just so's you know. I am slowly revealing more of that secret I started with Bill, though I will probably do a vignette actually explaining the whole thing. Anyway, I hope you like it.

  
  


"Charles Weasley."

  
  


Another one? How many of these people have I had already? They just keep coming. "Hello, Charles."

'I usually go by Charlie.'

  
  


"Well then, hello Charlie."

'Hello.'

  
  


"Is there anything you wish to tell me?"

'Not really.'

  
  


"Why not?"

'There's not much I wish to tell anyone else either.'

  
  


"Really?"

'I haven't spoken to anyone but Mum, Dad, Bill, Percy, and Dumbledore since it happened.'

  
  


"Why not?"

'Mum told me not to talk to strangers, but I didn't listen to her, and it was all my fault, really. So I don't talk to anyone I don't know, so it can't happen again.'

  
  


"You can trust people here, Charlie. There are a lot of good people here, who want to help you and protect you. Do you believe me?"

'I guess so.'

  
  


"Good. Now, will you tell me what house you want to be in?"

'Gryffindor, with Bill.'

  
  


"All right. I will put you there, if you promise me something."

'What?'

  
  


"Promise me that you will talk to at least one new person today."

'Oh. I suppose, if I have to.'

  
  


"Good. I think you'll do well in GRYFFINDOR!"

  
  


A/N: Thank you to everyone who's been reviewing. I intend to finish the Weasleys as we know them and then go on and do the Marauders, but I make no guarantees.


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